When I woke up this morning, I saw Chris Redfield hovering over me. Now, naturally I was confuzzed, but even more so when he said "It's about time you woke up. Jill and I were thinking we'd need to go get Corroder to prance around naked in here for you to wake up."

Of course, after a bit of mental throwing-up, I leave my room and discover...

"SWEET UNHOLY JESUS FUCK, I'M IN THE BARROWS MANSION!!"

Chris: "You've lived here your whole life, Tofu, and you just now discover this? Now, Lotte says the Green Beast is running, so you better make that drive to Deleterius or you'll be late for your meeting."

"What meeting?" for I am the master of wit.

Chris: (sweatdrop) "Jeez, where's your brain today? You've only been bragging about it the past week! L and some other people are holding a meeting to discuss the big attack on Umbrella. You're representing the Burroughsclan and L."

Ooo-kay. So I drive to Deleterius by map magic, and discover it's a huge building. I enter and I swear that I've entered Umbrella Corp.

I head up to the top floor and discover Scott Ramsoomair, Xenolord (representing DCJ, I discovered later) The Sunflower Official (flanked by a rather whip-happy Miss Cam representing the PPC and Fanfiction University of Middle-earth respectively) and...

A monitor with an L on it. It says, "Good morning, Miss Mysterious T. You're late." (The Mysterious T- my hacking codename, I learned later)

"Err... traffic was hell?"

So then a representative who claims to be from Apeture Science (it's actually CTRL-ALT-DEL's Absath, who is followed by Brian Clevinger- Brian, Absath and Scott are representing the Webcomics Union, who want to have some involvement in this for some reason.) arrives around the time the Apeture Science rep. DOES arrive (I heart that computer) and promises cake. We all then discuss Umbrella.

Then before I know it, I'm supposed to lead a huge assault on Umbrella by raping the security system with my 1337 haxx0r skillz (pardon me, Mr. Clevinger's phrasing) and the others would cause some trouble.

Then Albert Wesker becomes the topic. How do we beat him? L suggests we either set him up as Kira- thus angering the REAL Kira into showing himself. I can swear I heard Light yell he wasn't Kira at least twenty times.

There was no cake, either. So, I voiced my concerns and suddenly L decides cake just may be the way to stop Wesker. I can swear he's mocking me- I can hear him eating cake.

Now I hear somebody else enter. It's Roy Mustang, representing the State Alchemists. He sits and L says, "Now we have almost everyone here... wonder why everyone's late THIS time."

Sure enough, more people started coming in. There was Excel Kleinwald (a codename) representing The Ideal Ideological Society ACROSS, Squall Leonheart representing Balamb Garden, Cloud Strife representing the Sector Seven slums, Queen Garnet and King Zidane of Alexandria, Lady Yuna of Spira, Princess Ashe of Dalmasca, Chaud Blaze of the NetSavers, etc.

Yeah, enough of the names. I'm at the head of the table next to L's monitor and nervous as hell, and then L announced "Now that everyone is finally in attendance, I must request no information will be taken out of this room. We will meet again in three days to go over the plan again, and here it is--"

then, he was interrupted. What appeared to be Air of Mystery, followed by Arktos (who, in turn, was followed by Edward and Alphonse Elric) ran in.

"L," announced Arktos, "Air and Arktos are here now. We bring distressing news."

"Very well, Arktos, proceed. It's good you arrived; now you can hear our plan too."

"Unfortunately, you're likely going to need to make some changes, sir. We have received word of a Claire Redfield being held hostage by the enemy..." she paused. "What should we do, sir?"

L paused for an uncomfortably long time. "If we send too many, Miss Redfield may be endangered. I have a plan, though. Miss T and her family will work with my protégés to rescue Claire. Her skills are vital to bringing down Umbrella Corp."

Wait, now I have to rescue Claire? Oi! Chris has gotta be pissed. Ah, well, Jill can chill his jets.

Okay, so I have to work with Mello, Near and Matt (Near and Mello are refusing to even SPEAK to eachother) to rescue Claire. With my uber hacking abilities, we track Wesker and send our Professional Insane Driver (Lotte) after him. I have to go with her to keep my tracker in range.

Lotte: "Okay, Wesker's fifty miles away. We have ten minutes to catch up before we lose him. Guess how many traffic laws we're about to break."
Me: "...a few?"
Lotte: "Nope... EVERY FUCKING ONE!" (At this point, she slams down on the gas and I nearly make a lovely faceplant into the dash.)

We catch up (thanks to Lotte's Gone In Sixty Seconds moment back there) and get to have an awesome chase scene. We catch up, make him pull over, get in a tussle and suddenly the Scissortwins appear and start kicking ass. We all escape.

Back at the meeting, L announces the new plan (which includes Claire). "Miss T will hack into the Umbrella security system and take it out. Cloud and Squall will lead the inital charge in and take out the majority of the bad guys. Shortly thereafter, Miss T and the NetSavers will break into the company main network and damage as many computers as they can. Upon this being completed, the Brian team will move in and Hadoken whatever they can. That should do some healthy damage. Then the Burroughsclan will take their team and wreak havoc on the basement. Jill will place a charge and at that point The Mysterious T (Still me...) will sound every alarm she can so everyone can get out. Ten minutes later, T will detonate the charge."

I opt not to tell him I can't do any of this. Instead, I numbly nod my head and the meeting dismisses. I drive back to the mansion and get dinner on the way back (Apperently, since Umbrella is a threat to the future world ACROSS wants to make, they're funding this whole thing- that's how I have something to pay with and the ability to drive). Chris is panicking once I return, but Jill's got him. Tired as all-get-out, I sink into my bed and surrender to slumber.

(Looks up) I'm such a Mary-Sue.